It can feel elementary and trivial when you learn that thinking positive thoughts and recognizing what you have over what you have not can make you happier. To some, it seems too simple for the magnitude of problems that we face in our lives, and to others, it feels fake.
Let me challenge those feelings by pointing out that that may be the negativity and pessimism talking and I would love for you to give this a try.
Here are a few studies that show the impact of mindset:
A 2023 study published in the NIH's National Library of Medicine concluded that aging adults who took a strengths-based approach and practiced positive thinking, experienced overall better thinking, greater resilience, and higher life satisfaction.
A 2012 study in New Zealand found that people enjoyed social interactions more when they told someone else about how good they felt, they laughed, they felt proud of themselves for going out, and they focused on the experience while it was happening.
A 2020 U.S. study found that when people who spent a lot of time alone reframed that alone time as time for solitude (which had a positive association), they were less lonely than those who didn't reframe their experience.
Our mindset matters. I was raised by two people who taught me to recognize what I had over what I felt was missing, and they discouraged making comparisons with others. My dad is an eternal optimist, always pointing out the good in things and possibilities to come, and both of my parents are resilient people who do not dwell in negativity. I am grateful for this because I think it is part of our human nature to want to pout or over-focus on the things that we are lacking in life.
The rise of the internet and the ability to be in contact with many more people than we were able to just a few decades ago contributes to stimulating this part of our human nature. In Jonathan Haidt's most recent book, The Anxious Generation, he details studies that show that the "great re-wiring" of childhood from a play-based one to a smartphone-based one has changed the neurological pathways of children, affected their sleep and attention, led to addiction, loneliness, social comparison, and perfectionism. Adults are not immune from this either.
So what do we do?
Think positively.
Notice if you are telling yourself negative things and interrupt that with something positive. For example, if I am telling myself that my job is terrible and I hate everything about it, I need to interrupt that and find something positive about it. Maybe I like my coworkers, or I have room to be creative, or I have good health benefits, or it's close to home--at the very least I can find it positive that I am learning this career may not be for me and that can provide me the opportunity to look for something else and grow in a new way.
Reframe.
Let's talk loneliness. I hear this a lot from people who are not in a relationship and are struggling to find romantic connection. Instead of telling yourself that, "this is awful and I am so bored and I've tried everything so I will probably never find love," try to reframe this time in your life. What if this alone time is just what you need to heal some old wounds, or work on yourself, or try something new? When you are not in a relationship you can really get to the core of who you are, find out what you want in life, and develop parts of your individual self. You have time to try new things because your only responsibility is to care for yourself. You can see alone time as a benefit rather than a deficit.
Recognize what you have.
This is similar to a gratitude practice as well as a strengths-based approach. What in your life is really great that you have been taking for granted? Running water? Transportation? Perhaps you already own a home in this tricky market? Are you healthy and get to enjoy certain activities? Think about the people whose lives have crossed with yours and how that has made your life better. Think about good memories and the opportunities you have had or currently have. What qualities about yourself do you love? Wow! We are so lucky, right?
Be present.
How often are you with someone physically but thinking about something else? Being present takes some practice because we have been taught to multi-task and constantly seek stimulation. When you are with someone else, really be with them. Listen to them fully and don't worry about your response until they have fully finished sharing their thoughts. Notice your emotions and any sensations in your body. When you are alone, can you simply be and enjoy whatever is around you? If your thoughts are wandering, bring your attention back to whatever you are doing. For example, if you are cooking a meal, notice the aromas, the flavors, and the way the food simmers or sizzles on the stovetop. You can read more in a blog I wrote about mindfulness the other week.
If you were someone who opened this post and scoffed at positive thinking as being trivial or elementary, here is the positive side to that: it means that it should be easy for you, right? There is no excuse not to give it a try, and isn't that exciting?
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